By Elise Cording The subtleties of human contact have never been better contemplated than they were in the tumultuous days of middle school. A potato chip shared during recess could be a token of utmost romantic attraction, a brief moment of eye contact from across the room a declaration of love, and physical contact the pinnacle of relationship success. My first relationship, attempted with a … Continue reading Thirteen and Thriving: A Tale of Two Tweens
By Laura Kern In his 2013 Oscars acceptance speech, Ben Affleck choked up thanking his wife and children. His tears charmed the world as viewers dabbed at their eyes like proud grandmothers. In the fifteen years between his two Oscar wins — the first in 1998 for Best Screenplay for Good Will Hunting, and the second for Best Picture for Argo — audiences watched Affleck … Continue reading Villain or Victim? After 13 Years, Ben Affleck Returns as the World’s Worst Superhero
By Annika Bjerke Since the introduction of Facebook in 2004, the past twelve years have been a whirlwind of social media. You have the popular platforms — Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter — as well as the alternative Tumblr, where, according to my thirteen-year-old sister Lilly, confused pre-teens develop their “aesthetic.” My first tryst with social media occurred when I joined Facebook at the ripe age of … Continue reading What it Means to Be Thirteen in the Age of the Selfie
By Carina Chien If you’ve ever walked into a Starbucks, dead from exams and homework assignments, you’ll automatically feel at home in that community of languishing souls. Even as Ithaca’s water supply diminishes, you’ll notice them drowning their sorrows and ability to sleep in a cup of coffee that’s suspiciously never empty. But screw the environment as long as it’s for the aesthetic of tragedy, … Continue reading Don’t Call Me Kitsch-Mael: On Misspelled Names
By Julia Shebek My name is Julia Camille Shebek, and this is a problem. Julia Camille Shebek is a really fantastic name. My parents nailed it. The problem is, I haven’t exactly hit the target they gave me with that name—that target being maturity. Just take a moment to imagine someone named Julia Camille Shebek. You may be imagining a brilliant scientist, or a queen, … Continue reading I Still Haven’t Grown Into My Name
Compiled by Jael Goldfine “Two pumpkin pasties, please? Thank you.” “Harry, erhm, watch yourself on the stairs, it’s a bit icy at the top.” “Yes?” “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” “Oh, uhm, Harry, I’m sorry but someone’s already asked me. And, well, I’ve said I’ll go with him.“ “Harry!! I really am!! Sorry!” “It’s Professor Trelawney!” “Expelliarmus!” “Yeah, I’m okay. Anyways, it’s worth it. It’s … Continue reading Every Line Spoken by Cho Chang in all 8 of the Harry Potter Films
Either way, you’re probably still a douchebag By Thelonia Saunders You may meet one at a party, standing around, looking deeply into their glass as if to absorb the oh-so-alluring alcohol percentage through eye contact alone. Your heart may begin to beat faster, and you may begin to mumble low threats of bodily harm as they tell you about the “bouquet” or the “body” of … Continue reading Connoisseurs: Beer or Wine?
Which is the greatest obsolete viewing experience? By Yana Makuwa and Nathaniel Coderre VHS Price: At their prime, VHSs were a very reasonably priced product. You could buy a blockbuster film and have it in the comfort of your home for a mere $15-$20 (Nate’s Dad, 2015). And now with a particularly good quality and rare first edition VHS, you have an anthropological artifact worth … Continue reading VHS versus DVD: The Face Off
by EMMA COURT
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was Pumpkin Spice Latte season. And this year, it came early. For aliens, unicorns or those fictional persons who have never been to a Starbucks, a quick primer on this all-too-important subject: The acronym is PSL, it’ll set you back four bucks at the very least, it tastes like a pumpkin pie in a cup and it’s only acceptable to love ironically. Think of it as the autumnal Skinny Vanilla Latte — beloved by a certain sushi-loving, Lululemon legging-wearing segment of the population, ungenerously termed “betches.” It is best consumed after a SoulCycle class, on the streets of Park Avenue or while shrieking “Eh mah gawd, is it Thanksgiving already?”
a satirical suggestion for millennials
By SYDNEY MORIN
Do you find yourself getting exhausted after hours spent scrolling through your various newsfeeds every day? Do you have piles of money lying around in yellow bags with thick black dollar signs on them, just like that emoji I know you’re thinking of? Have you ever been curious about cocaine (like, just a little curious? Not enough to be concerning, but like, enough)? And finally, do you ever wish you could check your social media accounts continuously throughout the day, never once stopping to take a probably much-needed break?